


Slash Madness & Fish Tacos  (Mostly in That Order)

by FiccinDylan



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: (discussion only), (mentions and discussion only), Anal, Blow Jobs, Bottom Derek, Bottom Stiles Stilinski, Comedy, Consensual, Destiel - Freeform, Face-Fucking, First Dates, I'll add actual tags relevant to the story, Literally starts out with a bang, M/M, Now that I'm Awake, Slash Madness, Slash Madness 2014, Sterek is Eternal, Wincest - Freeform, Yeah Baby, and vote off?, both derek and stiles are dorks but it's okay, click that sterek button, crack!fic, crack!ship, derek has a green thumb, destiel is great, do it again and again, enter that captcha, for a, g'night!, go stereks!, i clearly need some sleep so..., i know that makes you horny, jeff davis can diaf, just like that, my pov and tenses are all over the place, sterek, sterek all the way, stiles has a garden of pubes, this is for us, we will win this thing!, why don't you go over to backlot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 07:40:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2101200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/pseuds/FiccinDylan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teen Wolf AU in Which:</p><p>Stiles & Derek go on a first date and it's revealed that Stiles is one of Derek's favorite SPN fanfic authors!  Sounds great, right?  *smh* these dummies...</p><p>  <i>Excerpt</i></p><blockquote>
  <p>Stiles wasn’t fooled.  There was no way this guy was not only into <i>Supernatural</i>, but also read the fic AND was a fan of Stiles’?  Fuck that, there had to be an angle and Stiles was going to find it. </p>
  <p>“Fave villain?”  This hunky adonis would probably choose something antihero-ish like Benny or infuriatingly cliché like Dick Roman.</p>
  <p>“The Ghostfacers.”  Stiles looks at Derek suspiciously.</p>
  <p>“What?  They weren’t villains.”  Derek shrugs and gives him an all-knowing grin.</p>
  <p>“Hell yeah they were!  One guy summoned a thin man just because his partner was getting a girlfriend and they got that cute cameraman killed.  They’re the ultimate villains.”  Stiles clears his throat and swallows as he covertly readjusts himself.</p>
  <p>“That was fucking brilliant.”  Derek’s gorgeous smile twinkles into Stiles’ heart.  Shit, Stiles was in trouble.</p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	Slash Madness & Fish Tacos  (Mostly in That Order)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the lovely dream_tempo for the quick n dirty beta. All mistakes are mine because I tried to make some edits and it's 2am and I should be asleep but I love you guys so much. Sterek all the way!
> 
> It's 2am, have you [voted for Sterek yet?](http://www.thebacklot.com/2014-slash-madness-round-three/08/2014/3/)

Slash Madness & Fish Tacos

"Oh my god, Derek! Oh my god! You're the fucking best!" Stiles rocked his hips back and forth, trying to catch the dick that was sliding around inside of him.  Attached to that dick was the most handsome man Stiles ever had the pleasure to lay eyes on, much less get fucked by. He was tall and broad and dark and lean and his beard scratched Stiles in all the right places.  Stiles had one hand on his bouncy-in-all-the-right-places ass and the other tangled in his thick black hair that set alight his hazel-green eyes.  He growled at Stiles who encouraged his thrusts like a knight on his steed.

"Shit, Stiles! Your ass is like a sculpture, you're so fucking hot!" Derek bracketed Stiles with his arms leaning down to bite at Stiles’ collarbone and lick at his erect nipple.  He could hardly believe his luck. Here in his bed -writhing beneath him to be exact- was the most beautiful cherub Derek ever had the pleasure to feast upon. He could write sonnets about the young man's dark brown hair that only seemed to illuminate his creamy, deliciously pale skin. He could pen prose purely devoted to the perky, upturned nose; accented by a cupid's bow atop a pair of the most luscious, pink lips. And don't even get Derek started on the moles! The constellation of marks that showed Derek that the true way to pleasure was South.

It was perfect, and all because Derek saw a cute profile pic and had a strong hunger for fish tacos.

xxXxx

"So yeah, after college I was going to go pro, but then I got injured.  My grades were good so I went post grad and now I’m an architect.  Still designing mini malls and the like, but it’s a living and I enjoy it.  I get to work on those condos over on Green Ave so that will be a challenge.  How about you?”  Derek had a love/hate relationship with small talk.  He wanted to learn more about the person in front of him and loved to ask questions, but he hated being under inquisition.

He just felt like he didn’t have a lot to offer.  The things he could talk about easily on a first date were boring, mundane, everyday things.  The things that interested him?  Well, to put it lightly, no one needs to talk about those things on the 10th date much less the first.  Nope, those things were for when you were well established and trapped by children, love and civic responsibility.  So he sighed and chose the lesser of two evils while sharing little bon mots about his job, his family and current life.  

The boy in front of him seemed to have another idea entirely.

“Well, by day I’m a help desk analyst for an international agency.  Basically we support all of their tech infrastructure as well as licensing demands and all support related to mobile devices.  I’ve been able to travel all around the world setting up offices which is really cool.”  Derek grinned widely.  Stiles’ online profile boasted several luggage stamps and he was sure he wanted to hear more.  

“That sounds great, but you said ‘ _by day’_.  What do you do by night?  Besides have first dates at the most amazing taco shop I have ever been to?”  Derek’s heart fluttered a little at Stiles’ pleased grin.  Derek was already on his 4th taco and Stiles’ was on his 3rd.  The shell was light and thin and melted in your mouth despite being able to hold the delicately seasoned fish and condiments.  They were truly heaven.

“They’re Heaven, right?”  Stiles asked as he washed down another bite with the 3rd daiquiri he’d ordered.  “Well, umm, like I said; by day I’m an HD analyst, and by night… I- well I-”  Derek scrunched his eyebrows a bit wondering what could have gotten the -heretofore exceeding in confidence- young man to suddenly turn bashful.

“It’s cool man, everyone’s got a hobby, right?”  Derek tried to be supportive but now his brain was aching trying to figure out what it was.  He decided to be patient and let Stiles work it out.  After a moment (and a couple more sips), Stiles cleared his throat and continued.

“Well, by night, I delve into the world of  _Supernatural_ fanfiction.”  Derek stopped chewing and looked at Stiles with wide eyes trying to take in every bit of his reaction.  It would seem Stiles was doing the same.  Did Stiles…  _know_?  Was he making fun of him?

“Ummm, you do  _what_?”  Derek could feel the blush coming to his cheeks as he grabbed Stiles’ drink, finishing it in one gulp and signaling to the waitress for 2 more.  Stiles sputtered a bit.

“Oh wow, you just- I mean, I think I was going to need that.”  Derek snapped his fingers getting Stiles’ attention.

“Repeat what you just said.”  Stiles flailed out his fingers on the table and shrugged with a false sense of nonchalance.

“I just said that at night I read and write fanfiction for the CW TV show  _Supernatural_ , soon to be entering its 10th season.  I write mainly slash and keep it pretty canon compliant, though I’ve had a couple of AU’s that have gained traction.  An AU is-”

“Alternate Universe, yeah, I know what AU is.  Are you fucking with me, right now?  Is this a joke?  Did Isaac put you up to this?”  Derek was flustered but hopeful.  Isaac Lahey was Derek’s roommate, but they’d been friends since college.  He knew Isaac knew Stiles by happenstance yet they’d never realized the connection until Derek showed him Stiles’ online dating profile.  

He couldn’t imagine why at the time, but Isaac’s smirk and sly comment of “ _fucking perfect for each other_ ” was hopefully starting to make a little more sense.

“Look dude, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.  I know fanfiction is a nerdy thing, but there’s a lot more stigma associated with it and I feel like we’re given the gift of these awesome characters that we can create worlds for and now I sound like an even bigger dork and I’m so sorry, I’ll just get the check and-” Derek shook his head and waved his hand in front of Stiles’ face, begging him through charades to shut up.

“Stiles, oh my god!  I don’t think you’re a dork!”  Stiles looked a little confused though the color was slowly coming back to his face.  

“You- you don’t?”  He asked cautiously.  Derek’s face lit up.

“Well I mean, yeah, definitely.  But that’s okay, because I’m a dork too!  I fucking love  _Supernatural_ and I’m crazy about the fanfiction!  My ship isn’t technically canon so I go to the fanfiction to live in hope.  This is completely insane!”  Derek’s overjoyed as Stiles laughs.  It seems his cloak of fear suddenly dissipates.  Derek watches Stiles fondly.  “You write?”

Stiles nods, “Yeah, only the smutty stuff though.” he says with a coy little wink.  Derek looks around and leans in.

“Anything I would have heard of?”  

“Umm, have you heard of  _Eye of the Tiger, Survivor of the Soul_?”  Derek’s jaw drops.

“Fucking what?  That’s you?  That story is amazing!  I was crying and cumm-” Derek stops talking as he realizes what he’s about to say and his expression causes Stiles to laugh and laugh.  Derek knew his face was bright red but he couldn’t bring himself to care.  He just shakes his head and drinks one of the daiquiris the waitress dropped off.  

xxXxx

“Oh  _fuck_  Derek, please, please  _please_!”  Derek has already cum and is making his way down Stiles’ body to attend to the hardness at hand.  Well,  _in_ his hand actually.  More specifically in his fist; where he is jacking it at a painfully slow pace, and at an absolutely wretched angle.  Derek breathes heavily as he swirls Stiles’ patch of chest hair in his finger, while tonguing a line of saliva down his torso into his happy trail.  He stops for a moment and shoots an inquisitive look at Stiles.

“Hmm?”  Stiles grabs Derek’s head roughly, smothering that gorgeous face into his crotch.

“You son of a bitch, fucking suck my dick!”  Derek laughs into the garden of pubes briefly before teasing a line up the base of Stiles’ long, peachy cock and lightly resting the head between his two lips.  He gently suckles at the precum there as Stiles curses him from above.

“Oh my god, you’re such a piece of shit, uggh.  I can’t believe you do this to me.  I never act this way; I’m perfectly respectable and you turn me into such a dirty, fucking slut!  Please can I fuck your mouth?!”  Derek nods which inadvertently (according to him) causes him to bob up and down on Stiles’ dick.  Stiles plants his feet into the mattress and begins to pump his hips into Derek’s face with reckless abandon.  

Stiles could cry, it’s that fucking great.  He’s about to come to the edge when Derek pulls off suddenly and grabs Stiles firmly at the base of his cock.  Stiles looks around to see what natural disaster could be occurring to make Derek stop.

“What?!  What the fuck?  What the fuck’s happening?  Is there a fire?  Are we on fire?”  Derek shakes his head.  He answers with a hoarse voice sounding absolutely wrecked and wild.

“Nothing, I just.. I just.  Don’t come, I wanna ride you.”  Stiles looks at Derek incredulously and thinks maybe for a moment that this was  _Inception_  and maybe he’s in a dream within a dream and if he came maybe he would wake up and be on some fucking train tracks?

“Fucking  _Christmas_!”

xxXxx

This guy was too hot.  Stiles looks at the vision of beauty in disbelief as he takes off his leather jacket and drapes it over the back of his stool before sitting down.

“Hey, I’m glad we got to meet. I looked this place up after you suggested it and everyone raves about the tacos here.”  At least that’s what Stiles thinks the hot guy who calls himself Derek, says.  He’s too mesmerized by the mountain man- _chic_  thing this guy has going on.  Perfectly kept beard, hiking boots, jeans that lifted a perfect ass, and a Henley that makes his eyes pop out of his head and into Stiles’ taint.  The man is a fucking miracle for the eyes.

“Fuck me.”  He whispers.  Derek looks at him turning his ear.

“What was that?  The music’s a little loud.”  Stiles nods.

“I said  _feed me_  as in; let’s get some tacos!  I recommend the fish and the carne asada, though everything is good here.  My best friend is part owner.”  Derek seems impressed.

“That’s really cool!”  Stiles thought so, he was really proud of Scott for working hard to make the place what it was.  What it was supposed to be that night, was an avenue for Stiles to get laid.  From the looks of this guy, the taco shop might be his lucky spot.

After they place their orders and start on the chips and salsa; the requisite first date Q&A begins.  Stiles thinks it best to get the mundane stuff out of the way.

“So, what do you do?”  As Derek starts telling him about sports, or medicine, or something; Stiles begins to think about the situation he’s in.  

This guy is entirely too hot.  He knew he was beginning to sound like a broken record -even if only inside of his own head- but this guy?  Was too fucking hot!  He didn’t look this hot in his profile picture, did he?  Most of Derek’s pictures were full body shots of him far away in a treescape or on top of a cliff.  In one he even had a helmet on that covered his head though it was for a pretty sweet motorbike and Stiles thought that was sexy.  It was actually the picture of “ForestBound1225” in a Mets Jersey that caught Stiles’ attention.  

If Stiles had known this guy was so hot he wouldn’t have even messaged him.  Not that Stiles didn’t think he, himself, was hot.  He was damn cute, and had a tight little body that he knew what to do with.  But usually hot guys are so fucking cocky that they weren’t worth the trouble.  Yeah, that’s right, this guy is clearly bad and selfish in bed and not worth the trouble.  So… better to get this over with now, right?  Cut the string, freak him out a little?

“Well uhh, by night I- uhh.”  This is harder than Stiles thought.  He didn’t necessarily want to ruin things with the guy off the bat, but there was no sense in stretching it out.  Stiles could easily add this guy to his spank bank, and it would just be ruined if the dude does end up being horrible.  His dick didn’t deserve that.  If he was going to spend the next several years of his life wanking it to this totally unapproachable guy, he had to at least hang on to the notion that he could be good in bed.  Stiles took a large drink and laid it out.

He couldn’t believe what happened next.

xxXxx

“Oh God Stiles you’re dick is a fucking dream!”  Derek lowers himself onto Stiles, bracing with one hand on Stiles’ chest and the other above Stiles’ head gripping on to the headboard.  Stiles’ heels were digging into the mattress and both hands gripped firmly around Derek’s waist, his thumbs dipping into the sensitive ‘V’s’ of Derek’s thighs.

Derek sinks all the way to the base of Stiles’ dick and stays there unmoving.  Stiles finally opens his eyes, and tries to buck his hips being held down by Derek’s weight.  He looks up and sees Derek’s deliciously devious grin.

“You’re such an asshole.”  Derek laughs causing him to bounce slightly on Stiles’ dick making his eyes roll into the back of his head.  Then Derek slowly begins to move forward, easing Stiles’ dick out of him nearly all the way before crashing back into his lap.  

“Fucking yes, you motherfucker!”  Stiles sits up and wraps his arms around Derek, pulling him down to his chest.  He lifts his hips and rams into Derek’s backside in hard, unrelenting thrusts.  It’s fast and quick, but it’s just everything to Stiles as he comes.  His body convulses as Derek rides him through his orgasm, falling off to the side when he’s done.  

Shit, this guy was going to be the death of him.  And Stiles was just so willing.

xxXxx

There’s no way this was real.  Derek refused to believe it.  Not only was this kid gorgeous, but he just happened to not only love Derek’s favorite show AND write some of the most beautiful and erotically charged fanfiction that Derek has ever read for it?  This guy couldn’t be real.  

And yet here he was.  Eating the most delicious tacos and sitting across from a gorgeous, smart genius.  Derek couldn’t believe he was so lucky.

\---

This guy was a fucking asshole.  Stiles wasn’t fooled.  There was no way this guy was not only into  _Supernatural_ , but also read the fic AND was a fan of Stiles’?  Fuck that, this guy had to have an angle.  Stiles couldn’t exactly figure what that angle could be, but there had to be an angle and Stiles was going to find it.  He’d just grill him a bit and soon; once he flubbed on some essential SPN trivia, Stiles would know that Derek was full of shit.

“Favorite villain?”  Yeah, that was a good start.  This hunky adonis would probably choose something antihero-ish like Benny or infuriatingly cliché like Dick Roman.

“The Ghostfacers.”  Stiles looks at Derek suspiciously.

“What?  They weren’t villains.”  Derek shrugs and gives him an all-knowing grin.

“Hell yeah they were!  They kept getting Sam & Dean into terrible situations and then would just be in the way making things worse.  One guy summoned a thin man just because his partner was getting a girlfriend and they got that cute cameraman killed who was in love with Zeddmore.  They’re the ultimate villains.”  Stiles clears his throat and swallows as he covertly readjusts himself.

“That was fucking brilliant.”  Derek’s gorgeous smile twinkles as the low lights shine off of his teeth and into Stiles’ heart.  Shit, Stiles was in trouble.

\---

Derek doesn’t care that he looks like an idiot with his chin resting in both hands, propped up by his elbows on the table.  He’s full, drunk and completely infatuated with one, Stiles Stilinski.  His obsession with fanfiction was one of the 10th date topics and here they were speaking openly about something they both loved.

Stiles’ favorite was Dean, Derek’s was Sam.  They both think that Crowley is wonderfully evil, Castiel is a treasure, and the world is just a better place knowing that Charlie Bradbury is alive and well.  

Derek believes that Chuck is God, but Stiles is a skeptic.  Derek wonders if it’s too early to make a date to watch the Season 10 finale together.  Stiles wonders just how slutty it would be to propose sloppy BJ’s in the back of his Jeep.  

“Let’s get out of here and go to my place.”  Derek makes no pretense.  Just pulls out a hundred dollar bill and stands up grabbing both of their coats and leading Stiles out of the restaurant.  

xxXxx

“Okay, that?  Was fucking amazing.”  Stiles turns over, lying his head on Derek’s shoulder, and resting his arm across Derek’s chest. Derek takes Stiles’ hand and kisses the back of it sweetly as he runs his fingers through Stiles’ hair.  

“Yeah.  That was awesome.  Man, I can’t believe you write SPN fic.”  Stiles preens happily as Derek’s firm fingers massage his scalp.  He nearly purrs and files away his new love of being petted for later.  

“Yeah, it’s a great show.”

“It is.”  Derek has moved from Stiles’ head to massaging the back of his neck and Stiles is just in certain Heaven.  Derek’s mind drifts as his hands move absentmindedly.  “Uggh, Wincest is such a beautiful ship.   _Carry on my wayward son_ , those words just get more lovely when you figure out they’re about the love Sam & Dean share.”

“Hmmm…”  Stiles hums happily as he thinks of the little Cape Cod they’ll buy on the beach for when they visit the east coast.  There will be crabs and rocky beaches and wait- what the fuck did Derek just say?

“Wait, what the fuck did you just say?”  Stiles props himself up and looks at Derek a bit too warily. Derek wonders what he said to get Stiles so worked up.

“I was just talking about how Wincest is best.  It’s the best ship ever.”  Stiles can’t believe that something so crazy is coming out of someone so beautiful.  He had to be fucking kidding.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!  It’s all about Destiel.  The angel and the demon?  Castiel is everything to Dean!”  Derek sits up quickly tumbling Stiles off of him.

“What?  Fuck that, Dean is an asshole to Castiel, but he literally gives his life over and over for Sam.  Destiel is a crazy person ship, it’s all about Wincest.”  Stiles stands on the bed naked, his dick bobbing furiously and his entire body flushing with color.

“How can you fucking say that?!  Sam & Dean hate each other!  The slowburn of Dean and Castiel gave way to one of the great showmances ever told.  Their slash is epic!  The song is about them!”  Derek stands on the bed now, poking Stiles in his chest.

“Don’t you  _dare_!   _Carry on Wayward Sons_  -in the context of the show- is a love letter from John to the boys blessing their love and their journey.  He knows they can’t love anyone but each other and- hey, get back here!”  Stiles has jumped off the bed and is frantically pulling on his clothes.  He’s gotta get out of there.

“You fucking dick!  That song is from John to Dean telling him it’s okay to let himself go  _from_ Sam and into the loving,  _angelic_  arms of Castiel and anyone who thinks otherwise can kiss my ass!  I’m outta here!”  

“FINE!  GO THEN!  There’s no room for your Destiel bullshit in here anyway!”  And with that Derek plops on his bed and folds his arms pouting, as Stiles slams the door loudly on his way out.  

\---

Stiles drives home way too fast, furious that he let himself get caught up.  One of the reasons he was alone is because he has a temper and a will that takes way too long to calm down.  Even when he finally gets home he seethes as he opens his laptop and browses his hidden bookmarks for something to soothe his mind.  

He finds an oldie but goodie Destiel one that looked like it just might ease his troubled mind. This one is an AU where Sam & Dean are brothers in love, and Sam helps Dean open himself up and prepare himself for when Castiel enters the pictures later.  Stiles guesses he can see the appeal of Wincest, but only as a gateway to Destiel, of course.  He settles into bed and reads while subconsciously rubbing at the beard burn left by Derek on his body.  

\---

Derek sits on his bed naked, still trying to process what just happened.  As far as he knew they’d capped off a wonderful evening with some of the best sex Derek has ever had and then everything blew up.  Over a fucking ship, no less.  Okay, to be honest, Derek didn’t mind that.  SamxDean was important to him dammit, and he’d rather not share it at all, than be mocked for shipping it.  He’d made the right choice, but he felt so empty inside.  He’s about to throw in the towel and go shower when his phone buzzes.

It’s Stiles.  Derek hesitates, but answers while thumbing at the bite mark around his nipple.

“Hey.”  He says upon hearing a sigh of relief on the other end.

“Hey, it’s Stiles.”  Derek grins.

“Yeah Stiles, I know, what’s up?”  Stiles sighs and takes a moment before responding.

“Look, I may have overreacted a little bit back there.”  Derek gives out a quick huff, but quickly dismisses the worry.

“Stiles, I’m sorry.  I get worked up over my ships so I don’t hold it against you, okay?”  

“So maybe we keep our SPN shipping love to ourselves and try something else?”  Derek is a little disappointed; he doesn’t want to have to hide his love of the two brothers, but he’s willing to compromise.

“Sure, what other shows do you watch?”  

“Sherlock?”  Derek’s grin fades because you may not like  _Supernatural_ , but you don’t  _FUCK_ with  _Sherlock_.  

“Oh God, okay, on ‘three’.  1…”

“2…”

“JOHNLOCK!”

“SHERIARTY!   _FUCK_!”  This time it’s Derek who hangs up.  

“Give me Johnlock or give me death.”  He says to no one but his own conciliatory heart.

 

Epilogue

A week later Stiles shows up at Derek’s door with a bag of daiquiri mix, a box of tacos and a TV Guide.

“Look, you gorgeous, backwards crazy ass son of a bitch.  You’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen and I can’t get your dick out of my ass’s mind not one second of the damned day.  You’re smart and you’re kind and you’re absolutely infuriatingly perfect for me and I will go down for my ship, but I would also like to go down on you for the rest of my fucking life so here’s how this is going to work.”  Stiles stops to catch his breath and holds up the copy of TV Guide.

“There are 20 new dramatic debuts this fall.  There’s gotta be ONE that has a ship that we can use as a lifeboat when we throw the other overboard from the ones that count.  There’s gotta be one, man.  I’m crazy about you.  We gotta be able to find one.”  Derek’s stoic glare melts quickly into a welcoming smile as he steps back allowing Stiles to stumble into his place.  

They get the food situated and drink while reading through summaries and arguing endlessly about all the upcoming shipping possibilities.  Then they have amazing sex and fall in love and get married and have babies because while Destiel is freaking great, STEREK IS ETERNAL!

[Now get over to the backlot and vote you jokers!](http://www.thebacklot.com/2014-slash-madness-round-three/08/2014/3/)

**Author's Note:**

> When I read your comments I start crying and cumm-
> 
> I mean, whaaaa?


End file.
